Wise Mind: The Elephant and the Peanut

Last night, smack dab in the middle of helping our little grandsons carve their Pinewood Derby race car entries, Fred discovered he needed a tool part and had to make a fast trip to the hardware store.

He was hurrying because it was a school night for the boys and even a slight delay in the project might interfere with bedtime. However, before heading out, he hastily tried to log in to our online checking account to check our budget.

Now he’s effortlessly logged in countless times in the past.  But in a hurry and with the boys clamoring at his side, he let out a sigh so loud I heard it downstairs in the kitchen.

“What’s the matter?” I called.

“I can’t log in! The bank must have changed something! Everything’s all messed up! I’m lost!” he yelled back.

I toweled off my hands and went to help. Peering over his shoulder, I recognized the page he was on and saw no problem. I clicked on the “start over” tab, entered the login identity and password, and answered the security question.

A few minutes after they left for the store, the story of “The Elephant and the Peanut” came to mind. When our own kids were children, they heard me tell this parable many times. Here’s how it goes.

An elephant was having a lovely day, munching on peanuts, and staring out on a calm, blue lake.

Suddenly, he dropped one of his delicious peanuts into the water. He instantly felt upset and began swishing around in the water with his trunk to find his snack.

Not finding it, he began to feeling frantic and thrash his trunk faster and wilder churning up mud and debris from the bottom. He could see nothing at that point—the water was far too cloudy.  

A small monkey perched overhead on a tree branch said, “Elephant, if you stop stirring things up, the water will clear, and you will see your peanut.”

So the elephant quieted and calmed himself and, sure enough, within a few minutes, the water settled down and he was able to spot and retrieve his snack.

“Emotional Mind” is one of three states of mind DBT describes. In this state of mind, I’m likely to be the elephant in the story with my thinking and behavior controlled largely by my emotions. I am far less able to think logically (“Reasoning/Reasonable Mind”). And I am far more likely to distort facts and act impulsively.  

On the other hand, the wise monkey in the tale represents the third state, which is “Wise Mind,” a more balanced way of experiencing life by integrating both emotions and reason. In other words, if emotions and reasoning are on opposite ends of the spectrum, “Wise Mind” is somewhere in the middle.

Today, as it usually does, life will throw situations my way which invoke emotional responses. It’s only natural—so I will observe, accept, and not judge my feelings. In addition, as best as I can, I will practice being present, breathing mindfully, doing one thing at a time, and listening to my inner monkey.