Doing the Opposite

Today being St. Patrick’s Day, morning television greeted me with “all things Irish” on
every channel. There were shamrocks and leprechauns on the news desks, corned beef and cabbage and green martini recipes, and plenty of music to jig by.

But it’s cold, drizzling, and gray outside. It’s Monday morning.  I’m at the Walmart Vision Center and the eye doctor just told me I have cataracts.  In both eyes.

I do not feel one bit like doing a jig.

If you have depression, you probably know how out of sync with the rest of the world you sometimes feel. At least, that’s how it is for me. And when I’m down on a holiday and the rest of the world seems to be having more fun than me, depression feels worse simply by comparison.

And that was the case today. I felt much, much more like going back to bed this morning than joining the fun.

However, DBT emotional regulation skills advise me to try “doing the opposite of what I feel.” So I decided to give it a go, but the best I could do was to mark the occasion of Irish whimsy by putting on a green shirt.

Later, when I took the garbage out, my neighbor noticed my green shirt and called out, “Happy St. Patrick’s Day!” Then she told me she was on her way to work and couldn’t wear green because of her uniform.

“Maybe you could be green with envy,” I joked. She laughed. I laughed. Hmmm. That lifted my spirits a teensy bit—maybe hers, too.

I still felt like going back to bed, but not quite as much.

Since I was up anyway, I took a minute to straighten up one of our guests rooms. Through the window came the unmistakable sound of Uilleann pipes playing an Irish melody. I peeked out and saw a young, strawberry-blonde-haired woman in Irish attire, standing all alone on a street corner, and filling the air with music from her bagpipes.

I paused and let myself fully experience the moment and felt happiness. I also felt grateful. If I’d been in the back part of the house in my bedroom with my head under the covers, I’d have missed it.

It is now mid-afternoon and I still haven’t gone back to bed. Mood-wise, I’m nowhere near “top o’ the morning,” but the depressed feeling hasn’t risen to a level of controlling my behavior. either. Maybe it’s all because I put on a green shirt instead of my bathrobe. Maybe it’s because “doing the opposite” caused some beneficial physiological reaction in my brain. Either way, I am feeling as though I have a bit more luck on my side today—even without a four-leaf clover.