Snow and Spring

 

I glared out the window this morning at snow piling up on three little “Easter Bunny” statuaries I’d set out in the garden last week. Geez, talk about dialectical (two opposing ideas that are true at the same time), I thought. Here we are, well into spring and it’s snowing. Like many of our neighbors, we’ve already put away our winter coats and boots. But there they are, the contradictory facts. It’s snowing. AND it is spring.

Seemingly everywhere I go lately, people are grumbling about the weather. Like most of the country, the east coast has endured a lot of snow, ice, and cold for months. And from what I’m hearing, folks are just plain sick of it.  As for me, I’ve been trying to approach the weather as I am other areas of life right now. That is, to accept what I cannot change. But today, I looked at our snow shovel and groaned. Enough is enough.

At that moment, I observed how irritated, disgusted, and down I was feeling. Uh, oh.  I knew that even though not accepting the weather seemed like a small thing, it had the potential to set the stage for a pretty miserable day. So I rattled my brain for something that would help. And here’s what popped out: “Pros and Cons.”

In this DBT exercise, I list both the pros and cons of using and not using my DBT skills to tolerate something. I’ve used this activity often over the past year, so this morning I was able to make the comparisons in my head. (However, for bigger emotional issues or more intense distress, I use paper and pencil. Writing things down makes it easier for me to distance myself a bit from the intensity. Furthermore, I can review them with my therapist) Here’s part of what I came up with today:

Pros of using skills: I will be able to “turn my mind” and have a more positive day.

Cons of using skills: I won’t get the feeling of fitting in with others as we commiserate about the snow on Facebook, the grocery store check-out line, etc.

Pros of not using skills: I will be able to commiserate with others and feel more like I "fit in."

Cons of not using skills: Negative thoughts might stretch from a momentary reaction to an all-day mood. (The 90-second rule from a previous post)

In the end, I chose to practice my learned skills to have a more positive day. I chose to say, “It is what it is.” And just as importantly, I chose to apply the DBT skill of “compare.” When I compared the dusting of snow in my yard to a cataclysmic, fatal weather event that happened Saturday in another part of the country, I instantly felt blessed and grateful—and, for me, that perspective was a much better way to start the day.