Avoid Re-Telling

A woman with whom I grew up recently re-entered psychotherapy sessions after a lapse of a few years. Her new therapist, unfamiliar with her family and life history, asked her to describe her childhood, which I know included a lot of trauma.

At one point of our conversation, she sighed deeply and said, “I’ve told these stories over and over in my life and I never feel any better. What’s the point?”

She then went on to tell me what she’d told the therapist—in essence, re-telling me in detail what she’d already re-told the therapist.  Since I experienced similar childhood abuse, it wasn’t long until my brain located my own trauma memories; triggered my sympathetic nervous system to flood me with adrenalin and cortisol in preparation to flight or fight; and, through a series of complex biological reactions, initiated a process of dissociating.

Fortunately, I’m learning through DBT to observe what is going on within myself. I noticed I was feeling a bit numb and cold and acted quickly to “turn the mind.” I focused on the second hand of a clock on the wall and listened with my full attention to the rhythmic tick, tick, tick. I began to count along silently, thereby switching brain activity to a different area—the part responsible for counting.  I breathed deeply and felt myself becoming less aroused and more anchored to the present moment.

Then, more centered in the “wise” part of my mind as opposed to the “emotional,” I was able to think more clearly about how I wanted to respond to her. I asked if I could tell her how DBT skills are helping me these days.

She wanted to know more, so I told her that one of the skills that offers some relief to me is to “avoid re-telling.” I explained that if my therapist needs information about a particular trauma, I take a more broad-brushed approach to informing her of these painful events and trauma—being careful not to close my eyes and not to describe every sensory detail over and over again.

During those times, my therapist uses relaxation, breathing, and mindfulness techniques with me to help keep me grounded in the present moment. Granted, avoiding re-telling takes a lot of “observing” and DBT skills practice, especially “turning the mind” exercises. But I believe there’s some healthy “re-wiring” going on in my head these days. And for me, that’s a much more beneficial story to tell.