Flowers and Twigs

In previous posts, I’ve described what the word “dialectical”  in Dialectical Behavior Therapy means to me. That is, it’s all about looking at the world and myself in a way that allows for contradictions, opposites, and differences to co-exist.

For example, I comprehend warmth because I understand cold. I perceive happiness because I also experience sadness. Relationships are enjoyable and disappointing. I accept myself while recognizing I need to change in some ways.

I thought of this yesterday, the first day of spring, when I picked up my camera and went outside to look for signs of spring in the garden. Forsythia buds were swelling. Tips of daffodil leaves were pushing through thawed earth. Snow drops were swinging in the cold breeze like small, white bells.

As I positioned my camera for the first photo, I reached out with my other hand to sweep away dried leaves, dead twigs, and decomposing mulch. I only wanted what was pretty and “spring-like” in the photos. But then the word “dialectical” popped into my mind. So I paused for a moment and considered the scene another way. The dry sticks and leaves were part of the whole story, weren’t they? After all, it was the absence of life that gave meaning to the renewal of it.

Coming to grips with things just as they were posed a challenge for me as I knelt there in the garden. Could I allow both the flowers and the sticks? Could I accept not just the visions of spring but also the evidence of winter? Both were true at this moment in time.

In the end, I chose to let the camera capture the photo complete with its seasonal contradictions. I think these photos just might help me remember that there are far more experiences, situations, and facts in my life that include the word “and” than there are with the words “either/or.” Spring and winter, happy and sad, life and death—they are all part of understanding and accepting the dialectical nature of life.