Beautiful, Wonderful

We are beautifully and wonderfully made and our possibilities appear endless.

I am dumbstruck by the beauty of these “wiring images” of the human brain.

I never envisioned the neural “highway” that transports information in my brain as magnificent as these images depict!

If you have an outdated view, as I did, of the structure of the human mind and its capabilities, I encourage you to reflect on these newer images (courtesy of the National Institute of Health’s Human Connectome Project).

 I think they speak for themselves. What do you think? Post your comments below.

 

 

 

 

 

Snow and Spring

 

I glared out the window this morning at snow piling up on three little “Easter Bunny” statuaries I’d set out in the garden last week. Geez, talk about dialectical (two opposing ideas that are true at the same time), I thought. Here we are, well into spring and it’s snowing. Like many of our neighbors, we’ve already put away our winter coats and boots. But there they are, the contradictory facts. It’s snowing. AND it is spring.

Seemingly everywhere I go lately, people are grumbling about the weather. Like most of the country, the east coast has endured a lot of snow, ice, and cold for months. And from what I’m hearing, folks are just plain sick of it.  As for me, I’ve been trying to approach the weather as I am other areas of life right now. That is, to accept what I cannot change. But today, I looked at our snow shovel and groaned. Enough is enough.

At that moment, I observed how irritated, disgusted, and down I was feeling. Uh, oh.  I knew that even though not accepting the weather seemed like a small thing, it had the potential to set the stage for a pretty miserable day. So I rattled my brain for something that would help. And here’s what popped out: “Pros and Cons.”

In this DBT exercise, I list both the pros and cons of using and not using my DBT skills to tolerate something. I’ve used this activity often over the past year, so this morning I was able to make the comparisons in my head. (However, for bigger emotional issues or more intense distress, I use paper and pencil. Writing things down makes it easier for me to distance myself a bit from the intensity. Furthermore, I can review them with my therapist) Here’s part of what I came up with today:

Pros of using skills: I will be able to “turn my mind” and have a more positive day.

Cons of using skills: I won’t get the feeling of fitting in with others as we commiserate about the snow on Facebook, the grocery store check-out line, etc.

Pros of not using skills: I will be able to commiserate with others and feel more like I "fit in."

Cons of not using skills: Negative thoughts might stretch from a momentary reaction to an all-day mood. (The 90-second rule from a previous post)

In the end, I chose to practice my learned skills to have a more positive day. I chose to say, “It is what it is.” And just as importantly, I chose to apply the DBT skill of “compare.” When I compared the dusting of snow in my yard to a cataclysmic, fatal weather event that happened Saturday in another part of the country, I instantly felt blessed and grateful—and, for me, that perspective was a much better way to start the day.

Small Achievements, Big Results

One of the DBT skills that helps to regulate emotions is called “Building Mastery.” The idea is to pick an activity or endeavor and achieve it.  When I do that, I feel more competent and strong and less powerless and fearful.

So from time to time, I challenge myself to try something I haven’t done before. But I don’t set the bar too high. That way, I’m more inclined to be successful and to enjoy the process, not just the achievement.

Looking back over my diary cards, here are some new things I did in the past six months:

Took balloons to kids at a new

local homeless shelter

Made and ate kale “chips”

 Made my own inexpensive laundry soap with Borax™, washing soda, and Zote™

Restored a vintage train set with Fred

Applied online for a copyright from the U.S. Copyright Office

Went to a new state park and climbed on a rock

Learned the rules of Cub Scout Pinewood Derby

Started a blog

Today, I decided to try my hand at a Pinterest idea for making artificial pussy willow branches to use as spring decorations. Outside, Fred did a double-take as I stood picking through a huge pile of hundreds of branches that had fallen into our yard during the last ice storm. Later, he wandered into the kitchen where I sat cutting the cotton ends off Q-tips™ (to use as the catkins.) When I asked him to search on his phone for an internet photo of pussy willows I could use as a reference, he wrinkled his forehead.

 “Okay, I give up,” he said. “What are you doing?”

 I explained. He stared at the heap of headless Q-tips on the counter and shook his head.

  “Honey,” he said. “Why don’t you just go buy some fake branches at the craft store?”

 “Because,” I answered. “I’m giving my brain a new experience. Creating new connections. Re-wiring, you know?”

He smiled, picked up the scissors, and started cutting up Q-tips. “Good job,” he said.

Flowers and Twigs

In previous posts, I’ve described what the word “dialectical”  in Dialectical Behavior Therapy means to me. That is, it’s all about looking at the world and myself in a way that allows for contradictions, opposites, and differences to co-exist.

For example, I comprehend warmth because I understand cold. I perceive happiness because I also experience sadness. Relationships are enjoyable and disappointing. I accept myself while recognizing I need to change in some ways.

I thought of this yesterday, the first day of spring, when I picked up my camera and went outside to look for signs of spring in the garden. Forsythia buds were swelling. Tips of daffodil leaves were pushing through thawed earth. Snow drops were swinging in the cold breeze like small, white bells.

As I positioned my camera for the first photo, I reached out with my other hand to sweep away dried leaves, dead twigs, and decomposing mulch. I only wanted what was pretty and “spring-like” in the photos. But then the word “dialectical” popped into my mind. So I paused for a moment and considered the scene another way. The dry sticks and leaves were part of the whole story, weren’t they? After all, it was the absence of life that gave meaning to the renewal of it.

Coming to grips with things just as they were posed a challenge for me as I knelt there in the garden. Could I allow both the flowers and the sticks? Could I accept not just the visions of spring but also the evidence of winter? Both were true at this moment in time.

In the end, I chose to let the camera capture the photo complete with its seasonal contradictions. I think these photos just might help me remember that there are far more experiences, situations, and facts in my life that include the word “and” than there are with the words “either/or.” Spring and winter, happy and sad, life and death—they are all part of understanding and accepting the dialectical nature of life.

Spring, Family Ties, and Eggs

My brother-in-law John called me this morning to remind me to stand a raw egg on one end since today is vernal equinox, which he alleged has special gravitational powers to enable the egg to stand on end.

Snopes.com dismisses this as an ancient myth having to do with fertility rites, superstition, and Chinese lore.

But I adore my brother-in-law. He’s 17 years older than me and was like a second father when I was growing up. He’s taught me many cool things over the years. So I raced downstairs, grabbed an egg, and voila!

I snapped the photo you see here and posted it on my Facebook page. Throughout the course of the day, others saw the photo, successfully replicated the experiment, and posted photos of their own egg triumphs.

No one seemed to mind very much that the equinox theory was dubious. Instead, it was just a fun thing to do. Also, I had posted this caveat alongside my photo: “If you google this and determine it is an urban legend, shhh.  Don’t tell me. Today I’m enjoying the magic of spring, family ties, and fun with eggs.”

 

 

The whole experience was a healthy and much-needed mini-vacation for my brain which has been working a bit overtime on some of the more serious aspects of life. And what better time than today—the first day of spring—to renew, refresh, and relax? Sound good? Grab an egg.

 

 

 

DBT Self-Soothing for Men

I remember a rugged, outdoorsy-looking man in my DBT group staring at a list of self-soothing activities and scratching his head. “Um, I don’t see anything on here for guys,” he mumbled.

Sure enough, as I scanned the list myself, I saw suggestions such as “take a bubble bath, rub on some scented hand lotion, and sip tea from a pretty china teacup.”

While these activities aren’t necessarily gender specific, I did see his point. In twenty-five years of marriage, I’ve never once seen Fred neck deep in bubbles or reaching for lilac-scented lotion no matter how stressed he is. Yet men, just like women, benefit from creating sensations that help calm the body’s alert system.

So with that in mind, here are just a few things I’ve observed Fred do to unwind using the five senses.

Visual: He thumbs through his hobby magazines and admires the newest equipment and ideas. He plays a video game for 30 minutes or so. He watches America’s Funniest Home Videos. He goes to the hardware store and walks around and looks at stuff for a while. He reads the latest James Patterson novel.

Taste: He finds a spicy, exotic recipe and makes it for dinner. He goes to the farmer’s market or supermarket and tastes every free sample! He knows where all the bowls of hard candy are at his office. He makes pancakes.

Smell: He fires up the barbecue grill. He burns some wood in the outdoor stove. (He likes camping and this reminds him of peaceful times.) He has a favorite aftershave:  Pinaud© Clubman—it smells like his barber shop and a fresh haircut.

Touch: He puts on one his favorite, very well-worn flannel shirts. He pets the neighbors’ dogs. He exercises and notices the muscle sensations. He takes a hot shower. He holds my hand.

Hearing: He pops in his ear buds and listens to his favorite music on his IPod. He cranks up the volume and bass on the car radio. He listens to instructional videos of YouTube.

These are just a few ideas. The point is this. The ways in which I soothe myself are activities I’ve found that work for me. Similarly, Fred has discovered what works for him. What’s most important, I think, is to identify what works and to have a list and/or a collection of items that can quickly calm the brain when it’s over-aroused.

Looking back over what I just wrote, I’m  now thinking about tucking a Pinaud© scented cotton ball inside the little self-soothing kit I keep handy in my purse. Even though it’s a men’s cologne, it smells like Fred and that makes me feel safe. Do what works.

It Is What It Is.

“It is what it is.” Those five little words are often as hard for me to swallow as a mouthful of hot peppers. By nature, nurture, or both, I am often the last one standing when it comes to a battle of circumstances, problems, or hardship. So today, I’m once again needing to work on the DBT skill of “radical acceptance.”

It seems my psychiatrist is concerned about the negative impact of my re-occurring trauma-related nightmares and disrupted sleep patterns which returned after he discontinued two medications. He recalls that these sleep problems have caused debilitating emotional/mental consequences in the past. So he directed me to start the prescriptions again.

I nodded my head, but internally, I dug in my heels. I know he believes the benefits of the medications outweigh the side effects. But I’m tired and dizzy during the day on the medicine and I wasn’t convinced. Could I find a way to accept his expertise over my feelings? I wasn't so sure. So I went home and sat down with a DBT “Radical Acceptance” worksheet.

Among other things, the exercise required me to check my facts about this situation. I did. And as I reviewed the past year and a half of DBT diary cards, I saw a direct correlation between not sleeping well and dangerously diminished coping abilities, mood, and emotional regulation.  

Another step on the worksheet was to say out loud what I have to accept and repeat it until it seemed more real. I also practiced relaxing and calming my body while imagining what I have to accept which, after a while, made the whole thing seem like less of a big deal.

By the end of the exercise, on a scale of zero to five (not accepting/denial to completely accepting/peaceful), I’d moved from a zero to a two. Better. Not peaceful, but better. So tonight when I take my pills, I’m hoping they’ll be a little easier to swallow.