Fireflies and Lint

Why is it that a piece of lint on the floor in my home often compels me to stop what I’m doing and pick it up? Yet, at a friend’s home, floors can be strewn with yesterday’s newspaper, kibble from the dog’s bowl, and candy wrappers that missed landing in the trash can and I am relaxed, comfortable, and compelled to do nothing but sip my tea and enjoy the company of my friend.

The answer, I’ve concluded, is what DBT Mindfulness skills refer to as “observing.”

Here's how it works in my life. When I practice “mindful observing,” I simply notice things without getting caught up in them or compulsively acting upon them. To clarify, “observing” is not the same as denying, repressing, “pushing away,” or largely detaching from thoughts and feelings. It’s more like acknowledging they are there without getting entangled in them.

For example, I usually simply notice things on the floor at my friend’s house without judging or getting stuck on thinking about them. Whereas, in my own home, I might quickly bring self-judgment to that bit of fuzz on the rug and, therefore, not feel relief until I do something about it.

 In other words, depending on the way I experience thoughts throughout the day, they might mentally grow in size, weight, and meaning until they overshadow whatever else is going on at that moment. I might flesh out an observation by padding it with additional thoughts which lead to even more thoughts such as, “That doesn’t belong there.” “There’s a bit of ‘dirt.’” “Rugs must/should/ought to be kept clean.” 

However, "observing" instructs me to take a conscious step or two back such as when I’m at a friend’s house. Allow some distance.  Let it pass. Let it go. It helps me put a little distance between my thoughts, beliefs, and emotions and my actions. I don’t have to act on each one. I don’t have to judge them. I don’t have to cling to them. I can simply notice them like objects on my friend’s floor. Applied to emotions, that means I can observe that I am sad, worried, joyful and not get stuck there for the rest of the day. 

With mindful observing, I recognize that my thoughts and feelings come and go constantly within my consciousness throughout my day. At each point, I can “fixate” (constantly think about something) or I can “notice” (be momentarily aware of something). 

I've found that the more I practice “observing,” the better I get at being aware of unpleasant thoughts and feelings without having to escape or act upon them (usually expressed as trying to change/fix/control things).  In addition, I'm gradually mastering the art of acknowledging and enjoying pleasant experiences without glomming onto them, wishing they could last forever, and being sad when things change (because they do).

Like fireflies, thoughts in the form of electrical activity flit constantly throughout my brain. Blinking here. Twinkling there. Nowadays, I try not to race after a particular thing as I did as a child--catching a firefly, trapping it to the point of death in a glass jar, fixating so intently on one, that I missed the ever-changing experience of the life around me. Fireflies and lint. Pleasant and unpleasant thoughts.  All are part of my life. I notice both and cling to neither.