A Rising Tide

 

I’ve experience panic attacks for as long as I can remember. An older relative regularly sexually abused from the age of five (that’s my earliest recollection) until I was twelve. By the time I was a teenager, I sank into a state of mind which I now recognize as depression.

At that time, no one I knew participated in, valued, or even understood psychotherapy. However, at the age of 18, when I realized the rage, anxiety, and darkness in my mind were not going to go away on their own, I found a therapist in the yellow pages. And I’ve been in therapy ever since. I turned 60 a couple months ago.

Frequently, throughout those years, counselors instructed me to breathe deeply, slowly, regularly when panic took over me. I always hoped they didn’t see me rolling my eyes at this suggestion. It seemed pointless.

After all, many, many times I’d tried and failed over and over again at “breathing” my way clear of mental storms. If you asked me, there wasn’t enough breathing in the world to blow away turmoil of that magnitude. Eventually, I tried doing this "breathing" thing my own way. I took up smoking as an alternative way to breathe when I was “freaking out.” But even with that, my brain found a way to hyperventilate and still panic—it’s called “chain smoking.”

Eventually, I quit smoking because that also became pointless. What’s more, I’d all but given up on reducing the anxiety.  However, when a more recent therapist recommended DBT, I decided to give it a try. But imagine the skepticism that ran through my mind, when the counselor described a proven-to-be-effective DBT

skill: deep, regular, slow breathing. You’re kidding, I thought. How is this different?

It didn’t take long to answer the question. What’s varied about DBT breathing is that it is practiced mindfully. That is, instead of waiting until I’m in a full blown panic state, I practice mindful breathing intentionally and regularly throughout the day. And as I do with will all “one-mindful” exercises, when I focus on breathing, I only focus on breathing. I don’t drive, make dinner, check emails, or talk with my spouse.

In fact, I’ve made it a habit to set apart several minutes throughout the day to calm myself by myself with intentional, mindful, centering breathing: “in, two, three, four… hold, two, three, four… out, two, three, four…hold, two, three, four.” I count as I breathe because I know this shifts my brain activity out of my frontal lobes and into the part of my brain that does counting. The healing effects of this seemingly simple act have resulted in less tension and more serenity throughout my body, as well as my mind.

There’s a saying that describes how one change can be a catalyst for widespread change: “A rising tide lifts all boats.”  If I think about that metaphor from the perspective of mindful breathing, I can see how this skill has been broadly positive in my life by relieving much stress and anxiety. And I can confidently say deep breathing helps me cope... finally.