Self-Care

"I wish I had a remote control to make him or her stop doing _________."  But, of course, no such thing exists. Still, that hasn't stopped me from trying to rescue, fix, or please someone to the point of personal neglect, exhaustion, or mental anguish.

 

So this week, I added participation in a 10-week co-dependency group therapy program to some of the steps I’m taking to create a more positive life. The stated goals of the class seem to fit well with many DBT skills I practice every day—especially self-care and interpersonal effectiveness skills such as assertiveness, asking for what I need, saying no, and coping with interpersonal conflict.

 

I don’t think I’m alone in having people in my life—past and present—who blame, manipulate, control, use, and abuse.  I’m sure you know what I mean. It could be a boss, relative, co-worker, church leader, spouse, or friend.

Where I differ from many people, however, is that I often forego healthy personal boundaries and self-care to please others, control circumstances and outcomes for others, fix problems, and think about others and their problems obsessively. That is, until I get completely burnt out and exhausted. Then I just say “I don’t care anymore!” But, of course, I do.

I’m trusting that somewhere in the "wise mind" middle—neither living to fix, please, or control people in order to "make everything okay" nor being completely self-centered—is a life worth living. Since this site is dedicated to Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, my posts over the next 10 weeks will focus on those DBT skills which I find most helpful and complementary to decreasing co-dependency behaviors.